Moving.

Where I live now, is smack bang in the middle of the country. My drive to get to work is endless, and adds many hours onto my job - and two days ago, I did an eighteen hour shift on top. I'm exhausted. I will miss the views though. In the morning, as the sun rises particularly. The views at times, make me stop my car and get out to look for longer. My friend John Byford is a proper photographer. He makes me want to punch him and kiss him, in equal measure. Yesterday he caught this image, close to my current house. I absolutely love it. It epitomises everything that is occurring for me right now, and ties it in with my history here. The rosy horizon, the storm clouds parting. I will really miss these views. 

Check this out. Gorgeous. 

Recovering the Heart.

The contractions of the heart are controlled by chemical impulses. They fire at a rate which controls the beat of the heart. Unlike other organs, the heart survives for a while without stimulus. The heart continues to beat rhythmically.  After a time, it stops.


I think of me, without you. Not now, but then. Before.
I set my own pace - too slow, careful.
And now, filled with the sense of you, I hold
the echo of far away cheers in my mouth.
when you are here, I lean into you,
my heart fires into movement.
you are marking the pulse, setting the beat.
charging me back into life.
when I cannot see you, you are under my skin
The pacemaker.

Snap Decision.


I got me a new job. And, a new house - eventually. The house was harder to be accepted for... I failed the stringent credit check on application. The landlord wanted me to have the house, I wanted the house, the credit agency were adamant I was a big fat fail as far as being a good credit risk went - this was puzzling to a woman with no debt to speak of. So, I joined a credit agency to see my report, and yes, a big fat fail. On closer inspection, it is because I fell off the electoral register (deliberately, I'm moving), I pay off my credit card every month (bad, apparently. Leave a fiver on it), I had the ridiculous idea of changing to a new bank account after the Nat West debacle last month, and the most appalling of all, I do not use all the credit I have available to me. Eh? Printed it all off and took it to the estate agent who showed the landlord, who said - bollocks to that, the house is yours.
Hurrah! To celebrate, I used to available credit I have, and bought me a Canon EOS D600. 

This camera - I. Am.In.Love.
Here, is sunrise over  North Shore, two days ago.  No editing necessary. Mm.

and the gorgeous Neo...

Always Hiding?

                         

This, this, this...

What Is To Be Given

What is to be given,
Is spirit, yet animal,
Colored, like heaven,
Blue, yellow, beautiful.

The blood is checkered by
So many stains and wishes,
Between it and the sky
You could not choose, for riches.

Yet let me now be careful
Not to give too much
To one so shy and fearful
For like a gun is touch. 

Delmore Schwartz

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? A fingernail.

2.When did you last have your photograph taken? At the SO festival. My daughter took it. 

3.Can you play Guitar Hero? No. Do I care? No.

4.Name someone who made you laugh today. Anna, a sister on the ward I work on.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? Til about midnight. Because I'm a grownup, and it's up to me.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Yes. Lincoln, it's proving remarkably difficult to do so though.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Not that I recall. Seen them occasionally during a kiss. Well, I say occasionally, once. 

8. Which of your fb friends lives closest to you? My daughters and Teresa

9. Do you believe exes can be friends?Yes absolutely. The best ones take the longest to become friends though.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? it's ok.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? A long, long time ago.

12. Who do you miss? My best friend, Martin. The one person that I know who if I said I needed him, would crawl over shattered glass to get to me if I asked him to. And he'd only ask why when he arrived.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Jay.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Much, much better. Yesterday, was a day I felt full of grin.

15. Can you live a day without TV?  I barely watch it

16. Are you upset about anything? Not at the moment.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Good ones? Yes they are. Yes.

18. Are you a bad influence? Hell yes. 

19. Night out or night in? depends on the night and what's out and who's in...

20. What items could you not go without during the day? phone, laptop, car

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? Hrmmm. I visit a lot of people in hospital... being a nurse and all.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? "You are fuckin' hilarious."

23. How do you feel about your life right now? Change is sleeping with one eye open and looking at me.

24. Do you hate any one? No. I dont care very much for some people though.

25. If we were to look in your inbox, what would we find? emails. Or is that a euphemism?

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? Yeah. I'm old now.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Oh, everyday. So tiresome.

28. What song is stuck in your head? Spellbound, Siouxsie and the Banshees

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m. Its probably a very tall person. Hopefully with wine under one arm

30. Do you want to have grandkids before you’re 50? Don't mind.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow. Show someone around my untidy house.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Too much.

33. Do you smile a lot? I do, yes.

My mood.