Disco Dolly. And Derek.


Ok, so here is the deal. When I win £7,000,000 on the lottery (because I surely will, by law of karma alone) I hereby pledge that I will open the world's greatest residential home for the elderly confused. In it, will be -


1. A nightclub. Not just any nightclub, this will called Bacchus' Geriatric Gardens. It will be an outdoors but indoors and have a huge domed ceiling dotted with glittering stars, the moon will always be full and the air scented with perfume. It will have enormous egg shaped seats swinging from overhead trellises which will be festooned with passion flowers and jasmine. There will be hideaway caves for snogging. Here and there will be mini bars staffed by muscled young barmen and boobalicious young barmaids, serving sanatogen tonics as well as champagne cocktails. There will be laser shows on the hour, as well as wandering opera singers and marching bands.
2. A small fairground in the gardens, with rollercoaster, a waltzer, a helter skelter (with big puffy cushions for fragile hips), coconut shies and hook a duck stalls. A little kiosk will give away candy floss and toffee apples (denture friendly).
3. A (minimum 2) star Michelin chef will design and cook the menus. It will be eggs and salmon for breakfast, steak for lunch (unless a soft diet is required, then it will be foie gras) and whatever magnificent concoction they choose for dinner. Swan probably.  Chocolate strawberries and muffins sprinkled with golden and pink glitter will be laid out on china plates for those who are peckish throughout the day.
4. The staff will be on a 2:1 ratio, and wear a uniform of pink feather boas and hotpants. Both sexes.
5. There will be a betting shop where every bet placed is a winner.


I am fed up, with the misery the old folks of this world endure at the end of their lives. So, come on. Point the finger at ME dear lotto God.