Saturday, August 04, 2007

Flap, Rattle n' Burn

After consulting Lord Hog who advised that the weather was bad, we journeyed into town and bought a 7ft x 13ft windbreak. Nothing stands between us and the beach on an August weekend.
It whipped around like a bastid as I hammered it in with the rusty headed claw hammer I found in the garden. Never mind. Settled down with my bottle of budvar and The Interpreter, and sent Wibs and Bonny off to collect shells. The weather picked up. The book was good, the soundtrack of the Enormous Stripy Windbreak gusting back and forward in an east coast typhoon was slightly annoying, but ah well. Beach eh? Living by one, you know, you just know, that it's crap really. You spend an hour in the kitchen boiling eggs and lovingly packing your baps (into a coolbox, not a swimsuit) and off you go, you and the children all thrilled with the notion of a Whole Day at the Beach, because a whole big long cold winter followed by the wettest early summer ever has made you forget about annoying things that will definitely be there. Like wasps. And warm eggy baps with boulder sized bits of sand inside them. And the fact that your beer goes warm in a nanosecond. And that jellyfish have invaded. Again. And that other people will park their arses right next to you and then yell JASMINE I'LL SMACK YER ARSE IF YER DON'T BRING THAT BOTTLE OF FIZZY POP BACK NOW over and over again for three hours. Still, I'm steely. The raffia windbreak flapped and flopped at fifty decibels, but oh, we stuck it out. I'm sat here now, very carefully typing, because to move is to die in a writhing sunburnt agony. Yes, I did it again.

And tomorrow, we have 30oC. Guess where we're going?

I like eggy baps.

9 comments:

nursemyra said...

hey I like eggy baps too!

archie said...

I thought I was fairly Ofay :) with English dialects but I have never come across "baps" or "Egg Baps" before. It could be because you are on the East coast and my cooking forebears (i.e. female ancestors) were from Cornwall and I learned about Pasties and Stary Stary Pie and smuggling. Commiserations on the sunburn - been there done that (in my foolish youth)

Marmite Breath said...

I'm going to the beach tomorrow. Well, I'm starting the drive tomorrow! It'll take me two full days of driving to get there, but then, Gulf of Mexico, here I come!!

Although I did spend my entire childhood shivering behind windbreakers on the beach at Skeggy, so I know what you're talking about. Mablethorpe, Chapel St Leonards, Skegness.....all witness to me running on the beach in a cardy and some track suit bottoms trying to stay warm.

Pesk said...

Archie - egg baps are - hard boiled eggs mashed with mayonnaise and crammed into breads rolls.

Marmy - Gulf of mexico sounds much lovlier than my beach. Am very jealous. I live 6 miles from Skeggy, but I never go to that beach, I use one about twenty miles away that is supposed to be far from the mad(ding) crowds but clearly isnt. Have a lovely holiday!

Pesk said...

Myra - eggy baps are just the thing for beaches. Even though when you open the box of baps, they honk louder than seagulls..

Dan said...

I am sunburned too. On my knees, so that, from a distance, I look like a car going in reverse.

archie said...

Ahhh, Egg sandwiches - The number of times I have done rounds and rounds of them (and curried egg ones as well) for afternoon tea at my cricket club! I tend to add thin sliced lettuce to the sannie as well.

Pesk said...

Dan - longer shorts are the answer. Would that make you look even dafter though?

Arnie - egg, full fat mayo, a dash of paprika and fresh cress... I'll be at it again in a minute if I don't stop thinking about it!

archie said...

Too late - I'm boiling up a couple of eggs now. Lunchtime in an hour - - -